Sit back with a nice cool drink and your feet up because this is a long one! Maybe a nice glass of Greens or an It Works! Energy? Sorry, had to throw that out there!
I want all of you to really understand my journey. I want you to know all I have faced, conquered, and failed at. I want you to know me, and my heart. My journey did not start where it is today. I wasn't always fit. I didn't always eat "healthy". I didn't always walk around with my head up. I struggled, failed, and got back up more times than I can count. This is a journey, and here is mine!
I have been involved in sports one way or another since I was 5 years old. I started out playing basketball, and then when I got to middle school, I fell in love with volleyball. I mean shorty shorts, and cute socks, what's not to love? In high school, I got pretty serious and started playing in travel leagues during off season. I pretty much lived in spandex, sweaty socks, and a stinky gym but I loved it. Every single second of it. Ok maybe not every single second, the times I had to run because I couldn't keep my mouth shut weren't very fun, but I was obsessed with the game and I thrived in a competitive environment.
When you are in a team sport, you have constant support through your team. Someone to push you harder and hold you accountable. You have your best friends with you 24/7, which is amazing, but the sad part is one day it is over. One day, you graduate and you go from being a hot shot volleyball player that everyone praised daily, to a lonely freshman with no friends and no praise. I know that is a little dramatic but that is how I felt!
Anyway, my point is, my worth was tied up in the sport and how successful I was at it. I didn't get a scholarship because it fell through last minute. I had no where to go to school, and it was February. I picked Angelo State because it was the only college I had been to. I ended up walking on to the volleyball team for like a hot minute, but it didn't work out. So there I was, end of my freshman year completely lost. If I am not playing volleyball and a successful athlete, who am I? What do I do now? I had spent the last 8 years of my life surrounded by my closest friends, playing a sport I loved, and being forced to workout. Sports are so wonderful, and I am so thankful my parents supported my passion, but I think what happens is we lose sight of everything else around us. I traveled constantly, practiced multiple times a week, and did not have time for much else. Where your time and money is most spent, that is where your heart is. My heart wasn't with Jesus. My heart was this sport. I missed the part about BALANCE.
My wellness journey had come to a complete halt. Without a volleyball team to push me, how was I even going to go to the gym? I hadn't worked out alone in almost a decade! I will tell you what happened. I was lost. Completely and totally lost. Physically, mentally, and most important spiritually. Also, I will point out my diet up to this point consisted of Sonic milk shakes, Chick-fil-a, Dr. Pepper, and my personal favorite, a 4 express tender basket with mashed potatoes, French fries, and a large sweet tea from Chicken Express. Oh and don't forget the gravy. I had to have something to dip my fries in! I had no idea how to eat, but because I worked out hours a day, it didn't matter. Or so I thought. I can't even begin to think about how much better of an athlete I would have been if I had actually fueled my body correctly!
Now, you are probably getting a good idea of what happened over the next 2.5 years. I not only gained tons of weight, lost a total sense of identity, but I also completely withdrew from God. There was no one to make me go to church, so I didn't go. I didn't want to face another room full of strangers. I went occasionally, and visited our Baptist Student Ministry a few times, but never consistently went to church anywhere for four years. It was a dark time spiritually. One I am sure I will expand on at a later date.
My sophomore year I started working at Buffalo Wild Wings 4 days a week. Which meant I was eating hot wings and cheese fries covered in ranch like it was my job. Then there I was shocked by the end of that year by my weight gain. Hot wings won't make me gain weight, right? Let's be honest it probably wasn't the hot wings, it was the complete and total lack of knowledge or support. I had no one around me to work out with, and no one telling me ranch doesn't make your love handles smaller. This continued through my junior and senior year of college. I wasn't going to church, I was gaining weight, and my boyfriend was my life along with some wonderful roommates. This may sound like college was terrible, it wasn't. I had a great time! But I always struggled internally. I was never confident in myself. I was just so insecure, and so far from God.
Okay, here is where this kind of sad story takes a turn. While, registering for my last semester of classes, I realized I had no physical education credit. So what did I do? Walking. Yes, you read that right. Walking. I could have done swimming, running, probably something way more fun but I chose walking. This was a defining moment in my life. You have moment in your life where things started shifting. This was it for me. A walking class in my last semester of college. Go figure.
I started my walking class that January, and after class it just so happened that I didn't have another class until that night. Hours of free time and nothing to do. I would like to think this was because of my excellent class scheduling skills, but it wasn't. This was straight up God. He did it. He opened up my day every Monday, Wednesday, Friday. He gave me that time, so that I could make no excuses. He opened the door, and I just had to walk through it. The door to getting my body back to a healthy place had just been opened and I walked through it. See what I did there?
Next big step, going to the gym that I had been paying for for 3 years and never walked into. The biggest Gold's Gym in Texas had just been built in San Angelo. So this wasn't a rinky dink hole in the wall gym This was a beautiful, huge, and full of fit people gym. Want to know what I did? I found the Women's section in the back of the gym, that had its own private room. I couldn't bring myself to work out with everyone else. All those skinny perfect people. I was over weight, intimated, and flat out insecure, but I went. Every Monday, Wednesday, Friday I went to that little section in the back and I worked my butt off. I did what I knew. I ran for 30-45 minutes and I lifted weights for 30 minutes on a circuit.
I started changing my eating habits too. And by my eating habits I mean, I cut out the hot wings, French fries, and ranch and took up Lean Cuisines, fat-free and sugar-free anything, and started making smoothies every morning for breakfast. I made small changes. I chose fat-free Italian instead of ranch. I chose the fruit cup instead of French fries. I chose water instead of coke. Those small changes started to add up, and I blossomed. I shed about 10 pounds from January to March. Ten pounds may not sound like much but it was life changing for me. I blossomed. I felt confident for the first time in years. I have what you would call an addictive personality. When I start something, I don't do it halfway. I am ALL IN. I will not stop until I am where I want to be. So I didn't stop. By May I had lost 15 pounds and was in such a good place mentally. I was just so happy that I did it. That I accomplished something I set my mind too. I proved to myself that I was enough. That I was worth the effort, that me being confident in my own skin was worth the sacrifice of making time for the gym.
I graduated college a confident woman. I can honeslty sit here and say loosing that weight gave me confidence. Confidence to hold my head up when I entered a room. Confidence to start a new job and live alone for the first time in my entire life. Those small changes added up to something so much bigger. We can sit here all day long and debate how your weight shouldn't change how you feel about yourself, but the reality is, it does. Being proud of how you look, and content in that is important. Should you walk around staring at yourself in the mirror all day? Should you obsess about every roll and lose spot? No. Absolutely, not. That is idol worship. That is not what I am saying. What I am saying is this, being our best self means there are no closed doors. There is no limit to what we can do for our families, ourselves, and Christ. When you physically change your outside, and are proud of that change, you change on the inside. You blossom. You thrive. There are no limits to what you can accomplish.
15 pounds did that for me. 15 pounds made me see myself in a new light. My journey has had many ups and downs since then. A marriage and two babies changes things. They change you as a person physically and mentally. They change your goals. My husband and kids have changed everything, but for the better. I don't even recognize that insecure 21 year old girl anymore. It all started with a walking class. What is your "walking class?"
Take the step. Maybe that step is getting a gym membership, or throwing out all the junk food. Maybe it is getting rid of a toxic relationship. I can tell you if you haven't already, your first step needs to be running to Christ. Ask Him to show your worth. Ask Him to give you the motivation to take the first step towards a healthier you. He will be there, and He will answer.
